Have you ever felt great about your fitness journey - you have your meals prepped, you’re going to the gym regularly and kicking some goals - until you see someone who is fitter/stronger/bigger/thinner/<insert desired goal here> and you suddenly feel deflated?
Here's how to stop that, right now:
- Look at their behaviours.
- See where you demonstrate those same behaviours, to the same degree.
- Understand that everyone has a different set of priorities in life, and yours are not any better or worse, they are just different.
- Celebrate your uniqueness so that you can find even more success in just being yourself!
In part 2 of my chat with world-renowned Human Behavioural Specialist, Dr John Demartini, he outlines exactly how you can stop wasting time comparing yourself to others, so you can be the best version of yourself.
“The wise thing to do is whenever you see somebody that you think is further along the path, or has more knowledge than you, more intelligent or more 'fit' than you... go and look at where and when you display and demonstrate the same behaviors you see in them, so you stop envying them and trying to imitate them." - Dr Demartini
Why is this important?
Dr Demartini says "anybody you put on a pedestal, you're going to inject the values of them into your life and try to be somebody you’re not."
Putting someone on a pedestal means you're looking up to them and putting yourself down, relative to them. It may happen on an emotional level rather than an intellectual one. When you do that, you're open to taking on board their unique values - rather than your own. This may work for a little while, but eventually you'll burn out and question why you're not the same as them.
The truth is that whatever positive (and negative) trait you see in them, you have as well - it may just show up in a different form.
Dr Demartini explains further: "By identifying where you do whatever you see in them to the same degree as you see in them by looking deeper in your own life, in the form you're expressing it, you'll level the playing field and give yourself your power back.
When you do, you'll end up realising that your goals are slightly different than theirs. Don't try to be somebody else. Be yourself. The most magnificence you're going to have in your life is you. And if you're trying to be a cat trying to swim like a fish, you're going to beat yourself up. Give yourself permission to be the unique person you are in the fitness level that you want, but don't try to be somebody you're not. You will always be second at being somebody else instead of first at being you.”
What happens when you try to be exactly like the people you envy?
You're going to beat yourself up and limit your own potential. They are not 'better' than you, they're just different. When you own who you are, you give yourself the space and freedom to be successful as your unique self.
John tells us, if you're injecting someone else's values into your life, "you're automatically going to go and put your blood glucose and oxygen into your amygdala, where you're going to want immediate gratification and a quick 'get rich' scheme and a quick 'get fitness' scheme, etcetera - an impulse instinct and almost addictive behavior... You'll yo-yo back and forth - you go on a diet, and you'll end up getting take out."
You'll be frustrated trying to be something you're not, which is exhausting! The best thing to do is to be truthful to yourself about what is most important in YOUR life - not someone else's.
You can't expect to get the same results as someone else when your values are your own. So you can either honour the way you are (and you are already perfect, by the way), or you can change your values to match your goals.
When you can see how you have what the people you admire have (in a different form):
- You'll feel more self-confident
- You're more likely to set goals you'll achieve
- You won't be beating yourself up wishing you were someone else
- You will feel freer to be you
Now it's time to set goals you actually care about.
Want more? Why losing weight to 'look better' can set you up for failure - and what to do about it.